All apologies.
I talked to Shinji for about a half hour, and while I really would have liked to have seen him again as early as tonight, he's busy with homework that's piled up since he's been at his friend's after the emergency exit he made on Wednesday. Labels: Heretic, personal, Shinji
While I'm still wary, I accepted the apology.
I think I need to really take a different approach to Shinji and what's been going on between us for the last month. While I mentioned to Kaze that I'd been preparing for this kind of opportunity for so long, I'm starting to realize that this is not what I expected. And I've been out of a dating type situation for so long.
I did the right thing by telling him it was a mistake to vanish on me like that.
The whole thing is a very odd peculiar thing. To feel like it's rather advanced on some levels and not at all much advanced on others. Cryptic I know. I'm having a hard time explaining what I'm thinking.
I think I should be applying more desire and being more direct with my wants, not less. Not in such a way that pushes it too fast, but more like making it more firm.
One thing is definitely for sure, I'm not used to being uke. I think that's where, along with my being rusty in this type of thing, is really causing me the most problems. He's seme. Most definitely considering the way he talks and by his actions.
I won't likely see him this weekend. I said I was going tonight, so he may surprise and show up, but I'm not counting on it. And I told him I'm filming with friends tomorrow so probably won't be able to go out myself. When I asked if we can see each other elsewhere, for food or something, it didn't go much of anywhere other than a discussion on what kinds of food we like.
There's more talk of sexy things, but, well, it's still not there yet. He talks about the dark room at Heretic in negative ways, but I know he actually likes it back there. Maybe next Wednesday I can get another chance to pull him in there.
I know I need to chill, but it's so hard for me to chill when it's so hard. All the time. Jesus Christ this ecchiness is driving me insane.
1 comments
That was really...
It's weird, i just know i don't know you at all, and i have no real idea about who Shinji and Kaze are, but the way you wrote what you did, it just really hit me in the front side of the heart. I know what it's like, and yet i don't. You're almost like Jack Kerouac in the last few lines, maybe that's what hit me. But whatever it was, i think i needed it.
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Rizi, at
Friday, April 18, 2008 3:54:00 AM
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