Sick and tired of swimming upstream.
Last night at Heretic while hanging out with a new boy I had on my prospects list, another disappointment, another attack of frustration. Another guy comes up to him and together they scurry off to the bathroom. This is just after he'd gone to the bathroom with his room mate. Labels: boys, drugs, Heretic, personal, Shinji
I ask the room mate who's conversing with boys he thinks are attractive, "Is he going to the restroom to do what I think?"
"Yes."
"Tell him I'll talk to him some other time," came my annoyed reply.
Suspicions that the boy I was interested in likes to do the drugs was enough to send me away. But PIXIE, you'd say, you haven't got anything else going on. What's wrong with a little coke or meth. He just likes to have a good time. And maybe that wasn't it at all. You're overreacting!
Am I?
Am I really?
I think this is just a symptom of a much larger problem I seem to have right now. I'm STILL in the middle of the gay community scene trying to swim upstream. And unlike the mighty powerful salmon, this fishy is exhausted from the climb up without any payoff lately.
What's the point of going out, enjoying the vibe and music of a place if no matter who you talk to, casually or otherwise, turns into either being a complete douche bag (Shinji) or into drugs? And that's even if they find me attractive or interesting enough to talk to in the first place?
But where else can I find someone of the boy on boy persuasion? I'm not about to become one of those guys who troll the bookstore. I'm not exactly sure if there are any real community things I could be interested in that would get me what I want either.
It's not like I'm doing anything particularly wrong, I don't think.
I just am getting so tired of this life.
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